Why I Took My Husband's Last Name

Name changing after getting married, your husband's last name - to take or not to take, hyphenate or not. For some women, it is a great dilemma, for some other women it is a big fat No-No while it is a "why not?" for the others. The discussion has been almost as controversial as that about abortion and you'll find endless threads conferring this matter. For many brides-to-be it is a turmoil they endure amongs other frustrations for the big day. However, the truth is whatever decision you make, people will judge and form opinions around you. Most things will be picked up apart and commented whether it is about what type of wedding cake you order or the colour of the bridal bouquet you carry. The same about if you would ditch your own surname and take his.

If you trust your own conscience and go by your husband's surname, there will be people who are mildly if not seriously horrified by your decision. Some feminists will crucify you for setting the woman-kind to travel back in time, your modern day girlfriends will ridicule you. But if you do the otherwise, another people will still gossip about it. The older aunties who used to work with your mother down the alley will mix the ingredients and bake your inflexibility as soon as they meet your mother in the supermarket or on the pavement. I am qualified to say that because I am caught in the situation the moment my name is officially switched.

Hate it or love it, I took my husband's surname. It didn't take long or much consideration for I feel happy about it and it isn't one heck of a deal. His loves for me doesn't weight on which last name I have. Since we engaged, I am already known as Frau Richter amongs his families and friends. Yes I like its sound and no I don't find it offensive because my father and grandfather don't itch so I don't see why I should scratch. As a woman, to be called by the name of the man you love is in fact amiable compare to minority groups of the I-Don't-Need-A-Man women who think of empowering each other by calling their female friends, sisters etc. "b*tch" or "sl*t". But well! 

If talking about NOT taking his last name I have three main reasons that would weed out any sprouting intention to be known with the new last name.

1.) Tradition that doesn't exist in my culture. In my country, there is no such thing as couple changing names after getting married (different story if Cambodians marry foreigners). If you are Miss Chan Dara and Mr Im Sokha you are Chan Dara and Im Sokha forever as stated in birth certificates, marriage certificates, family documents, bank accounts, publications, death certificates at the end etc.
2.) Bleh! His ex wife still has his last name. Well, this should be repellent enough to stay away from his name. She is an unpleasant person/liar. I don't just say it, the judge who handled the divorce case between her and my husband cited points about her in some ways which finally match with our opinion about her and we can't just make it up. You wouldn't want to have anything in common with that woman.
3.) "How do you say his last name??? Again please." Because it is not Clooney, or Pitt. It is Richter, perhaps only the Germans or anyone who knows German language could call it without struggling. It took me a while! His whole six years working in Asia, his names both first and last are misspelt and mispronounced all the time. As well as in the Caribbean. People just can't get it right. 

While majority of folks I know think it is my own choice, a few of my friends in Cambodia still can't get their heads around my name displays on Facebook or the fact that I indeed changed my last name. Comments are anywhere from me giving value to other tradition more than my own, to, I culture myself into a Westernised world by disposing of my original identity. Of course I disagree. Remember, the people who talk here are the same people that would enrage or get mad when their visa applications to cross European or American borders are rejected. The same people that would sell any properties they have in order to go to other countries. The same people that celebrate non-traditional fests like Christmas, Easter and Halloween. The same people that cherish tradition but have no problem having sex before marriage. Hypocrites! 

I don't see I am explaining myself here because I feel I don't owe anyone anything but I would like to invite people that bicker about my decision to open mind and see why. The reasons are simple really but they can abolish the three reasons above effectively.
- When I lived under my parents' roof, my father is the man of the family so I had the name he named me. As now I am married and live together with my husband, he is the man of the family. I love and respect him the same I do for my father just in different ways. So I want to honour him starting with having his last name. My parents encouraged me to think like that. 
- To feel undevided or one team uniform (to use a bad metaphor) with my husband, the man I love and whom I will spend the rest of my life with
- To share the same last name as our children so they won't ask me "Who are you?" 
Some feminists might ask why the children can't have their mother's last name, well they can but most names, your or mine are from a man too, father or grandfather, so? If you are trying to rewrite history or tradition, I don't oppose your ideas, action, resistence but I don't participate especially in thing which didn't matter 10 years ago why should it now. No comprendo! Call me an unadventurous dinosaur but me and my family are happy with the choice I made 
- I feel the freedom of making my own choice as a grown woman on one of the biggest events in my life which is not so natural in my society in homeland. There where brides most of the time are told what or how to do. Some couples are even told when (perhaps also how) they should make babies. Yup!
- I like it. It looks nicer and easier when ending emails or postcards, simply "Love, Richters"
- I don't like my own last name. It is actually my grandfather's on my father side first name. I didn't have good contact with him, he lived in another country and he had a history of abusing and giving hard times to my father when he was young. Also, people (some are teachers, no kidding) liked to make jokes about it 
- I don't see it is man dominating woman or anti-feminists. We are talking about taking our husband, HUSBAND's last name, not the man's in a pizzeria down the road. Some feminists take their hubby's last name too what should they or I explain?
- I haven't had much professional career yet aka no LinkedIn account or business cards or contacts, so I don't worry about informing everyone after the last name is changed
- We are sharing our life, in a few desperate ocassions even the toothbrush and boxer shorts (I borrowed his once after having C-section, it was comfortable :-D) so his surname isn't what we can't share
- His last name isn't "McPoop" or "Klohocker" (literally means people who enjoy sitting for longer time on the toilet) it is German word "Richter" in English means "judge" (preside over court proceedings) At least nice to come from what is mockable to be the judge eh. :-)

*phew*, nice to get it off the chest! Now all I hope is that people plus the potential older aunties can begin to understand we don't make choices around other people's needs. Personal decisions and each to their own. It would be jolly nice that nobody have to criticise ladies who won't take their husband's last name and ladies who decide to change their names. In this case, everyone has reasons behind every decision, it could be for practical reason, sentimental values reason or a "just so" so let's be at least respectful. If we women really care for each other, it is better off quit giving comments in a way which will make women have the feeling or the need to explain or defend decision they make. I like to think one does what floats one's boat. :-)   

"A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet." <3